


whatever a sun will always sing

by gocrazygostupid



Series: men & their gods [2]
Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Kaiju Newt, Kinda, Possession, Precursors Newt, i guess, incredibly vague religious themes, inspired by a lot but mostly by i love newt & want him 2 be okay el oh el, kidding HUGE tender themes, mostly comfort :), this was kind of meant to be nice but its also a lil melon collie, trans newt implied, vague tender themes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-17
Updated: 2019-08-17
Packaged: 2020-09-06 07:53:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20288011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gocrazygostupid/pseuds/gocrazygostupid
Summary: Newt hasn't been himself for a very long time.





	whatever a sun will always sing

TELL US, YOUNG ONE, WHAT IS THAT? 

_what? yes? what?_

THE FIRE IN THE SKY

_i'm so busy right n— oh! um, __that's our star. you guys don't have a star or, or somethin'?_  
_also, what? what'd you just call me?_

OH

"_young one"? young o—_  
_i thought you've been everywhere_  
_killed all over the galaxy_  
_what's one measly star compared toall of them?_  
_what do you mean, "oh"?_

IT IS JUST THAT WE HAVE NEVER QUITE FELT THIS BEFORE

_..._  
_yeah?_

OUR WORLD IS FULL OF SMOKE AND OUR STAR HAS BEEN BURNING US AWAY SINCE BEFORE THE MASTERS WILLED BREATH INTO US  
THIS IS... DIFFERENT

_we call it the sun_  
_dunno why, really_  
_sol, maybe? in latin? though that just means sun_

TO FEEL THE GOLD IMPRINT OF THIS LIGHT ON YOUR SKIN IS ALMOST WORTH THE DEATH OF MY OWN  
...  
IT SEEPS INTO EVERY BONE

_tip my head back. close your eyes_

OKAY  
...  
HOW BLESSED THIS FEELS  
IT CURLS BENEATH THE HEART  
...  
THANK YOU

/

_my teeth are getting sharper_  
_when you smiled just now, it cut into my cheek_

...  
I KNOW

_it's okay_  
_always thought fangs were pretty cool_

/

YOUR HEAD IS FULL OF MUSIC

_sorry_

IT IS DIVINE  
HEARING THE SOUND OF ANOTHER'S SOUL LIKE IT IS TRYING TO BECOME YOUR OWN  
I NEVER THOUGHT BEING CONSUMED FELT LIKE THIS  
...  
I DO NOT THINK I HAVE A SOUL

_sorry_

/

_there's a concert for that band you like_  
_i know there's work, but it's on a sunday_

SUNDAY, FUN DAY

_haha, yeah_  
_exactly_

I HAVE NEVER BEEN TO A CONCERT

_it'd be weird if you had been, man_

/

WE ARE TIRED

_well, it's late_

IT WEIGHS HEAVIER THAN I WOULD LIKE  
I THINK I HAVE BEEN TIRED FOR A LONG TIME  
I WOULD LIKE TO REST

/

I HOPE, IN THE AFTER, THAT THE CICADAS AND CRICKETS STILL LIVE

_after the world... burns?_  
_you think they would?_

I WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO SLEEP SOUNDLY OTHERWISE  
THEY KEEP THE SILENCE FROM THE NIGHT  
...  
I THINK I WOULD DEFY THE MASTERS TO SIMPLY HOLD ONE IN MY CLAWS AND HEAR IT SING

_it would jump away_

I WOULD LET IT

/

THIS IS YOUR OCEAN?

_yes_

IT IS SO MUCH QUIETER THAN I REMEMBER

_always is_

IT TASTES SWEET, ALMOST  
LIKE TEARS

_don't drink sea water, man_

/

_do you have a name?_

NO

_is that okay?_  
_do you, like, want... a name?_

I AM NOT SURE  
...  
I HAVE NOT THOUGHT ABOUT IT

_hm_  
_are you even a... a "you"?_

I DO NOT THINK SO  
I FEEL THE CHITTER ALONG MY SPINE OF A HUNDRED THOUSAND OTHERS THAT FEEL THE SAME  
I HAVE NEVER BEEN ALONE SO I HAVE NEVER HAD TO SIMPLY... BE

_you're alone now_

I SUPPOSE SO

/

WHAT IS THIS?

_a cat_

I WOULD LIKE TO TOUCH IT  
...  
I SEE  
IT JIGGLES LIKE JELLY

/

WE WERE BORN BEFORE YOUR SOL UNFURLED. WE HAVE SEEN THE CREATION OF THIS WORLD AND MANY OTHERS  
WHAT TRAGEDY IT IS THAT THOSE BEFORE ME HAVE NEVER SEEN DEWDROPS SCATTERED LIKE A MILLION EYES ON THE GRASS

/

WHEN WE CLOSE OUR EYES THE SUN BEATS RED AND WARM

/

THE WINTER AIR IS SO SWEET AT DAWN  
IT IS MIRACULOUS THAT WE HAVE A RIBCAGE TO KEEP OUR HEART IN CHECK OR I FEAR IT WOULD TRY TO ESCAPE WITH THE WIND THAT CARRIES IT

/

THE HOLY LANDS ON THE OLD WORLD ARE JAGGED AND ANGRY WOUNDS  
THERE IS SO MUCH GOLD HERE I CANNOT DARE TO BLINK OR I WILL SURELY MISS SOMETHING   
THE WINDOWS ARE SO HIGH AND FEELS AS IF THE LIGHT THAT SPILLS IN IS COLOURED JUST FOR ME  
YOUR GOD IS SO FORGIVING

/

_why did you do that?_

I DO NOT KNOW

_you're going to kill them all, anyway_  
_us, us all_  
_why help one woman alone on a dark street?_

I DON'T KNOW  
...  
I DO KNOW WHAT IT IS TO BE AFRAID OF WHAT YOU WISH YOU COULD SEE IN THE DARK

_you didn't even wash away the blood from under my nails properly, man!_  
_it's fucking gross!_

I'M SORRY

_ugh_  
_it's fine. of course i don't care man. ugh_  
_he deserved it. i would've done it anyway_  
_i guess he should have realised he wasn't the only monster there, or something_

SHE GOT HOME SAFE

/

LOOK

_those birds?_

THEY DANCE  
LOOK HOW THEY DANCE

/

YOUR NAME IS VERY LOVELY

_huh? what?_  
_it is?  
aw_

YES  
YOU PICKED IT YOURSELF OUT OF HUNDREDS OF OTHERS  
IS THAT NOT SPECIAL?  
I HAVE NEVER SEEN ONE QUITE LIKE IT

_huh_

/

THERE IS A CERTAIN SAFETY IN WAKING UP AND FEELING THE SOFT LINENS ON OUR SKIN, IS ALL

_those super-soft plush blankets cost like 40 bucks each, man!_

  
_fine. new pillows, too_

/

_you sunbathe like a goddamn jungle cat_  
_mein gott_  
_is this why you're always making us wear sunglasses at all fucking times? so we can go outside whenever you want?_

I WILL NEVER FEEL WARM ENOUGH  
...  
SUNGLASSES LOOK NICE

/

_is all this really worth it? to Them?_

WE DO NOT HAVE A CHOICE EITHER WAY

_yeah_

/

PERHAPS THE MASTERS WOULD CHANGE THEIR MIND IF THEY COULD TASTE THE KIND OF CHEESECAKE THAT HAS A RASPBERRY SWIRL

/

I DO NOT TRUST THEM

_they're doctors. hey, i'm a doctor_  
_six phds, baby!_

THEY STINK OF DISEASE  
I CAN FEEL THEIR PULSES IN OUR CANINES

_we're not eating the doctor_  
_or the nurse_

I COULD DO IT ANYWAY  
IT WOULD BE SO EASY  
WE ARE BUILT TO TEAR  
I AM MORE YOU THAN YOU ME

_and then we wouldn't get the shot we need_  
_and your precious vessel would stop working you fuckin' idiot_

YOU ARE SCARED

_of course i freaking am!_  
_what sort of question is that you fucking maniac!_

...  
I WAS NOT GOING TO DO IT ANYWAY  
WHAT IS "TESTOSTERONE"?

/

YOU NAME THEM

_the kaiju?_

YOU GIVE THEM HEART AND PUT THEM ON YOUR SKIN AND CLOTHES AND THERE IS A BOARD ACROSS THE STREET FROM THE PARK WITH THE DUCKS AND THE LITTLER DUCKS THAT IS COVERED IN THEM

_well, yeah_  
_we like to remember_  
_they're kind of beautiful_  
_ awe inspiring_  
_like nothing we've ever seen_  
_ nothing i've ever seen_

WE PLUCKED THEM FROM THE BACKS OF YOUR MINDS, YOU KNOW  
YOUR OWN MONSTERS  
I DO NOT HAVE A WORD FOR WHAT IT IS TO TAKE SOMETHING MEANT TO BE YOUR SINGLE-MOST TERROR AND HONOUR IT WITH A NAME AND A HOME

_humanity_

HUMANITY

/

THERE IS A BIRD OVER THERE

_sure is_

MAY WE FEED IT

/

I LIKE IT WHEN WE WALK DOWN A HILL TOO FAST AND STUMBLE

_hey man, you're the one driving this thing_

I THINK IT IS FUN

/

DO ANY OTHER ANIMALS LAUGH?

_well, sort of, yeah_

SUCH JOY. IT SPILLS FROM THE TEETH AND CATCHES IN THE AIR

/

YOU ARE VERY BRAVE, FOR A SMALL THING

_what?_  
_i am?_

OF COURSE  
I HAVE NEVER WITNESSED SUCH A THING BEFORE

_you've also never witnessed lasagna before, man_

/

_whenever you—_  
_whenever i'm me_  
_i can. things happen that shouldn't_  
_i know where my friends are without even looking and the teeth and fangs thing and my blood looks kind of blue sometimes when it catches the light in a certain way—_

FRIENDS?

_seriously?_  
_you know_  
_friends?_  
_people w— i care about_

THEY WILL DIE

_so will we_

I AM AFRAID I WILL KEEP LIVING LONG AFTER YOU

/

I'M SORRY

/

_this is so tiring_

OUR SKIN DOESN'T FEEL RIGHT

_i am so, so tired_

SLEEP

/

_you never got a handle on deep breathing, did you?_  
_you hold it in for so long_

I LIKE TO HEAR THE RUSH OF BLOOD IN YOUR EARS

/

I WILL MISS THIS

/

YOUR MOON IS VERY BIG TONIGHT

_yeah_

/

WILL THIS FEELING EVER GO AWAY?  
I WONDER

/

_what's your favourite thing about earth?_

SOMETIMES WE GO PLACES, SO FAR AWAY FROM ANY OTHER, THAT THE PEACE TRIES TO SETTLE INTO THE VERY MARROW OF US UNTIL THERE IS NOTHING BUT BLURRED EDGES  
THE QUIET BECOMES A LIVING THING  
A COCOON  
I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE IT  
A PLACE WHERE YOUR HEARTBEAT IS THE LOUDEST, STUTTERING CALL INTO THE WHITE NOISE IS THE CLOSEST I HAVE EVER FELT TO WHAT HOME MIGHT BE IN EONS

/

I QUITE LIKE THE SUN, TOO

**Author's Note:**

> [personal blog!](http://transhiccup.tumblr.com) i am very stupid.
> 
> 1nce again this was inspired by a LOT of things but mostly by i love newt and want him 2 be okay & i wanted 2 explore a theme of possession that wasn't like deeply tragic and traumatising.
> 
> in my head it came from the precursors having religious titles 4 some sexy reason (ambassador, cardinal, bishop) + the idea that the kaiju are the weapons/the precursors themselves are foot soldiers and some are like, pseudo-gods (guy in this would be one (1) mid-level type connected to the hivemind but only vaguely cuz he's like In Newt and the hivemind is what drives their "work") + 10 years is a LOOOONG time and lots can happen.  
also in my head the events of pr:u are just about to/do happen in this, or only some of them, and newt lives happily ever after and maybe sunny escapes and goes 2 some other spaceland where its nice and warm. or whatever u want. maybe they all die. :(
> 
> title by ee cummings i think, & disclaimer because i KNOW how some of you are, it's platonic but still sweet like honeydew, AND pr:u was good and precursor newt sexy.


End file.
